Who Decides What Needs “Fixing”?

The idea that something needs “fixing” is rarely neutral.

It carries assumptions about what is acceptable, desirable, and worth accommodating. Often, these assumptions are shaped less by evidence and more by convenience — by what systems are set up to support, and what falls outside of that frame.

Many people grow up learning that certain ways of thinking, behaving, or responding are problems to be corrected. They may receive this message explicitly, through feedback and intervention, or implicitly, through repeated experiences of being misunderstood, redirected, or excluded.

Over time, these messages can become internalised.

People begin to question themselves rather than the environments they are navigating. They may feel responsible for bridging gaps that were never theirs to close. They work harder, adapt more, and blame themselves when things remain difficult.

This is where the question of responsibility matters.

Who is expected to change: the individual, or the system around them?

Support is often framed as something granted only after difficulty has been proven. Adjustments are treated as exceptions rather than reasonable responses to difference. In this context, needing support can feel like a failure rather than a natural part of being human.

Internalised ableism can quietly take hold here.

People may minimise their needs, push through exhaustion, or avoid asking for help altogether. They learn to see accommodation as a burden they place on others, rather than as a shared responsibility that enables participation and wellbeing.

Reframing this requires a shift in perspective.

Difference does not automatically signal dysfunction. Struggle does not always indicate a personal limitation. Often, it points to a mismatch between a person and the expectations placed upon them.

When environments are willing to adapt, through flexibility, understanding, and thoughtful adjustment, the need to “fix” individuals reduces. People are able to engage more fully, not because they have changed who they are, but because the conditions around them have changed.

Asking who decides what needs fixing opens space for a more compassionate approach.

One that recognises dignity, shared responsibility, and the value of making room for difference rather than trying to eliminate it.